Everyone has their own share of stories and problems. Well, I'm not excluded. Off late, I've been thinking lots and feel uneasy. For the first time since my decision in February, I felt uneasy. I keep on thinking whether my decision is correct or not. Is it because I need to wait too long, thus I'm having mix feelings along the way? Oh gosh... these feelings are killing me!!
Today, I had a conversation with KN... sharing with her what's been bothering me. Well, decision has been made, I should keep to it. But, part of me is fearing about the future.... more on financial part. At one point, I feel I want to try everything, even including working in Singapore! I've told her my crazy idea, and how stupid I was for not bringing this up before quitting. Well, she advised me it's still not late and it's OK to bring it up NOW. I truly appreciate her faith and trust on me... As much as I wanted to be part of Singapore team, I want to come clean as well... sigh. What's happening to me!! I hate being like this...so indecisive and being all gloomy.
Part of me wanted to chase my dream, part of me fear of the financial... I want to make BIG money!! I've been working hard since I started joining the workforce. Looking back, I can say I'm quite proud with what I've achieved so far... but all these don't come easy. But somehow, I feel rather tired already, been slower nowadays. Can I enjoy life for a moment... pleaseee? How I wish I'm financially free and no need to worry about every single thing! How I wish I have enough money that I can do whatever I like without being worried I don't have enough money la, I rather keep the money for something else, etc. Even sometimes wanted to eat good food also I have to think twice! At 30, I still haven't experience fine dining. Sad huh...
Hubby been supportive with whatever decisions I'm making. Good? I don't know. I don't know if he's been really listening to me and helped me to weigh the good and bad before jumping into agreeing everything with me. I also need someone to help me analyze, share my fears, and even scold me and wake me up from reality.... if needed to. How I wish his paycheck is big enough that I don't need to fear about money.... sigh
How I wish.... in real life, I can't have so many wishes. This is REALITY, wake up! But deep inside my heart, I'm wishing life... please don't be too hard on me.... please...
